Christmas is a holiday I look forward to every year. My mother taught me the joy of Christmas, as she enthusiastically planned dinners, decorated the tree, and invited cherished loved ones to visit.
I feel the joy she feels, and am conscious of passing this beautiful feeling on to my children.
However, I am also aware that this genuinely abundant feeling can get caught up in the misdirection of materialism. It can also get lost in the politics of merging two traditions (in my case, my husband's and mine), and sharing enough time with each family member and dear friend.
For years, these three "issues" caused me unnecessary stress. I focused on those three only, and forgot about my primary value of the joy of the season. For years the gifts had to be "even", the hours with each side if the family had to be even, but the traditions that created that joy? Well, I had to do them. After all, the tinsel placed just right and the stocking overflowing with gifts were what Christmas was all about...wasn't it?
Then one year I decided to forgo the anxiety (and perhaps just got a little bit wiser), and focused on the moments of happiness, and the activities that brought me joy.
How did I shift my thinking? I formed these three holiday rules:
Focus on the moment.
When I created a visiting schedule, I focused on the people I would be seeing - I enjoyed adding names of loved ones. I didn't focus on those I wouldn't see that day.
Then each day, I became fully present with those in the room, virtually eliminating worries.
2. Simply do your best. And know that your best is good enough.
When I spend my time with family, I give my best to the family who is present. When I see friends, I give my best to them. If I need a 20 minute shut eye, it is better to take it if there is time, than to power through a whole evening being tired.
When we focus on joy (or another favorite core feeling), then our mind isn't cluttered with "what ifs," and should I's." Instead, we can put our best effort into being joyful.
3. Practice forgiveness.
Forgiveness is one of the core teachings of Christmas. It relieves us of the heaviness of our human responsibilities.
Instead of being caught up in our errors, we can forgive ourselves and move into a lighter perspective, into a more joyful outlook. This benefits everyone involved.
We can also forgive others for their human learnings. Remember, we can only do our best.
And wouldn't you know it, when the desire for joy was my primary motivator to be in the moment, to do my best, and to be more forgiving, then I en-JOYed the holidays even more!i also noticed that when the planning details were no longer the focus, then traditions merged nicely, we spent lots of time with family, and giving gifts created happiness, while getting gifts was merely a pleasing side effect.
Hope you feel your best during the holidays, filled with love, and loving moments.
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
September is Busy: How to Navigate New Commitments
Phew!
We are three weeks into September and I haven't posted a blog since August. I started two new articles but didn't create the time to finish and publish them. In the meantime, I fulfilled my duties as mom-of-2-school-aged-children, soccer mom, committee member, committee leader, 2nd committee member, writers' group member and business start-up investigator.
In September the most important duty is "mom." My kids loved coming home the first 5 days exclaiming, "we don't have homework today, but YOU do!" As they pull out multiple forms each day covering medical, emergency contact, photo release, tell-me-about-your-child, photo payment and volunteer-for-this-committee requests.
September is also filled with new committee meetings, first-meetings-after-summer-sabbatical meetings, and kids sports meetings...er...practices and games.
Moms can feel the overwhelm of being pulled in multiple directions while trying to get used to the new year's schedule. I've heard more than once, "September is the new year, not January."
So true.
But this year felt a bit calmer than most Septembers, and I had to carve out some time in our busy schedule to think about this question: "Why is life running more smoothly?"
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| Studying in our Tree |
In September the most important duty is "mom." My kids loved coming home the first 5 days exclaiming, "we don't have homework today, but YOU do!" As they pull out multiple forms each day covering medical, emergency contact, photo release, tell-me-about-your-child, photo payment and volunteer-for-this-committee requests.
September is also filled with new committee meetings, first-meetings-after-summer-sabbatical meetings, and kids sports meetings...er...practices and games.
Moms can feel the overwhelm of being pulled in multiple directions while trying to get used to the new year's schedule. I've heard more than once, "September is the new year, not January."
So true.
But this year felt a bit calmer than most Septembers, and I had to carve out some time in our busy schedule to think about this question: "Why is life running more smoothly?"
Hurricane News and Family Focus
The last five days have been a little tense and a lot of
relief.
Late last week we focused on the news as reporters offered
an hourly update on the path of Hurricane Irene. They seemed certain that she
was headed straight for us. At over 460 miles wide, we knew we would be deluged
with high wind, massive rainfall and power outages.
On Friday and Saturday, our family checked batteries in
flashlights, lifted boxes and loose carpets off the basement floor, and tucked
away the patio awning, chairs and cushions. At the last minute I headed to Home
Depot for a generator, but they had been sold out for days. We crossed our
fingers and hoped that when we woke up on Sunday there would be power to keep
our sump pump running in our basement.
Treat Your Mind and Body like a Ferrari
“Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.” ~ World Health Organization (1948)
Sometimes we spend so much time focusing on our mental stresses, or on trying to exercise, we forget that our body operates best when we allow each area of our life to function together. And sometimes this means making simple changes in other areas of our life so that we can focus on the place that needs most attention.
For example, you may have a deadline at work, or you might be learning a new position and feel the stress of either situation in your mind. You come home drained from all that intense focus and effort. But instead of collapsing on the couch and flicking on the TV, your mind and body might recharge more efficiently if you take a few minutes to create a simple healthy snack (or meal) and drink a big glass of water.
When we stress our brain, we stress our body. Our brain, after all, is intricately connected to all functions of our body. Too much junk food or a lack of any food at all, and not enough clean eating will cause our bodies will rebel. Do you ever feel lethargic, develop sudden skin problems or get sick more often than you think you should? It may not just be the stress at work. It could be your eating habits.
Some of us treat our minds like a finely tuned Ferrari, but turn around and treat our bodies like a junkyard truck. It is time to treat your whole self – body, mind and soul – like the beautiful instrument it is.
Take small steps to start to tune your body, and your mind and soul will function incrementally and noticeably better.
5 Minutes is an Opportunity
The last six months have been incredibly busy, as my book nears completion. With a month as an aggressive goal to complete editing, I considered going completely offline for a few weeks.
Instead, I'm going to share with you short excerpts of my book. I hope you enjoy them. Take care - Leigh.
Five minutes is powerful. It changes the course of your day, brings a sense of peace among chaos, or even creates a new future. Five minutes is an opportunity.
Yet, the gift of five minutes is often forgotten.
Thanks to overwhelming responsibilities of being a mother, a wife, and an income earner, in the evening you’d give anything for five minutes of peace - and a burst of energy from your exhausted body. Your spouse, if you have one, would love to see you energized too, but you can only imagine lying comatose in front of the television.
Instead, I'm going to share with you short excerpts of my book. I hope you enjoy them. Take care - Leigh.
Five minutes is powerful. It changes the course of your day, brings a sense of peace among chaos, or even creates a new future. Five minutes is an opportunity.
Yet, the gift of five minutes is often forgotten.
Thanks to overwhelming responsibilities of being a mother, a wife, and an income earner, in the evening you’d give anything for five minutes of peace - and a burst of energy from your exhausted body. Your spouse, if you have one, would love to see you energized too, but you can only imagine lying comatose in front of the television.
4 Lessons from (Weather) Crisis
And though I complained occasionally, the weather here wasn’t even close to the weather experienced in other parts of the world. Australia had floods and cyclones. New Zealand had a massive earthquake and Chicago had high-speed winds and power outages.
Extreme weather always surprises people, as if they expect a normal winter. They voice frustration and disbelief. But they also show crisis attitudes - friendly, hopeful and helpful.
Half the homeowners on our street have lived here since the houses were built in 1985. They have experienced New Jersey weather, and they all own snow blowers. This winter, our snow shovel has worked hard, but three neighbors also assisted us to clear snow on different days. They have done our sidewalk a few times, they let us borrow a snow blower a couple times, and they even did our whole driveway once or twice. I think we all got tired of clearing snow again and again, but the occasional help was done cheerfully and willingly.
And that wasn’t the only willingness I observed. After the ice (and wind) storm, I saw a garbage can in the middle of a busier street. I stopped my car, put on my flashers, and moved it off the road. The icy streets made it a greater hazard than usual. Anyone would have done this, I’m sure, even on a warm, spring day. What was unusual, however, was the gentleman behind me. I waved him around me, and he waved back. “I’m in no rush. I’ll wait for you,” was his gestured reply.
Extreme weather brings out the kindness and patience in people. I saw news reports of neighbors in Australia helping each other sandbag properties before the first storm. New Zealand emergency crew and citizens worked feverishly to pull collapsed walls away from trapped neighbors.
Why does extreme weather bring out the best in people? The most obvious answer: we help because we want everyone to be safe. But it is more than simple safety. In a big crisis, like an earthquake, or in a small crisis, like two feet of snow, we band together, a collective supportive team. With nine snowfalls so far this year, I have spoken to my neighbors more often in the past six weeks than I probably did all last year.
What have I learned from this?
1. It feels good to help someone else. When we lack control in one way (the weather), it is empowering to take control in another way (helping a neighbor).
And we empower that helper by accepting their help gratefully, and willingly.
We also help because we feel good about making someone else’s life a bit better. It is why we volunteer. It is why we plan monthly birthday celebrations at work. It is why we hold the door open for the elderly, or for the mom with the stroller.
2. People just need an opportunity to express their natural kindness.
I have seen how kind my neighbors are. I won’t hesitate to ask for help if I need it, knowing I can repay it in different ways, or pay it forward to someone else.
3. People feel good when reminded of how helpful they’ve been.
We can thank a neighbor for helping us in the winter, and return an offer to watch their house in the summer while they go away. This not only reminds them of their generosity, it shows them they are appreciated.
4. We can replicate that feeling of being united.
Whenever there is a crisis, people work collectively. It is a survival instinct.
But to learn from it, we must take the lesson and make a change. I can reproduce that feeling of goodwill I felt with my neighbors, in a different way. Perhaps we’ll do a neighborhood BBQ this summer. Maybe I’ll just bake cookies for everyone, or make a big batch of salsa from the salsa garden I’m planning this year.
Unity is a good thing to keep alive.
It is so easy to get complacent. To fall back on old habits. Our brains are wired to retrace the route we perform most often, so it is difficult to form a new habit. But what we'll remember in twenty years won’t be who had the snowblower, but the friendship made because of it.
Do we need more weather crises to get to know our neighbors? No. We just need to act with those crisis attitudes – friendly, hopeful and helpful.
Filling in the Gap Between Success and Failure
by Sally Marks
There is a unit of time that does not have an official name, but it is a crucial link between success and failure. It is the time between “wanting to do something” and actually doing it. As a youngster, this time period was often prefaced by, “When I’m a grown up.” Later it evolved to “When the kids grow up” or “When I have more time”.
I’ve always been pretty good at meeting deadlines, at least as an adult. I have all my unforgiving journalism professors to thank for that. But when it comes to unofficial deadlines, the game can get a bit trickier. After all, life doesn’t always come with the motivation of a good grade, or the threat of a nasty editor.
I don’t like to think of myself as lazy, or even as someone who procrastinates (more on that later – ha ha). Yet, life threw me a little reminder that I could turn my refrain for “I’ll do it another day” to a life of sloth if I didn’t change a few habits.
A case in point.
I had feng shui practitioner Lisa Montgomery perform her skills and knowledge to enhance and increase the positive qui of my home. One of the cures to prevent negative energy from hitting my happy abode included placing a bagua (a yellow, wooden, octagon with a mirror in the center) over my garage door. The street comes to a T right in front of our driveway, and that can throw a bit of negative vibes our way. This little bagua has been perched in its location for quite some time. Then one day we had a nasty wind storm and the bagua, like Humpty Dumpty, had a big fall. Fortunately nothing was broken. All I had to do was put it back up on its little perch.
There is a unit of time that does not have an official name, but it is a crucial link between success and failure. It is the time between “wanting to do something” and actually doing it. As a youngster, this time period was often prefaced by, “When I’m a grown up.” Later it evolved to “When the kids grow up” or “When I have more time”.
I’ve always been pretty good at meeting deadlines, at least as an adult. I have all my unforgiving journalism professors to thank for that. But when it comes to unofficial deadlines, the game can get a bit trickier. After all, life doesn’t always come with the motivation of a good grade, or the threat of a nasty editor.
I don’t like to think of myself as lazy, or even as someone who procrastinates (more on that later – ha ha). Yet, life threw me a little reminder that I could turn my refrain for “I’ll do it another day” to a life of sloth if I didn’t change a few habits.
A case in point.
I had feng shui practitioner Lisa Montgomery perform her skills and knowledge to enhance and increase the positive qui of my home. One of the cures to prevent negative energy from hitting my happy abode included placing a bagua (a yellow, wooden, octagon with a mirror in the center) over my garage door. The street comes to a T right in front of our driveway, and that can throw a bit of negative vibes our way. This little bagua has been perched in its location for quite some time. Then one day we had a nasty wind storm and the bagua, like Humpty Dumpty, had a big fall. Fortunately nothing was broken. All I had to do was put it back up on its little perch.
How to Feel Fear, Then Respond with Calm - The New Food Safety Act
I almost made a mistake today. Ok, I probably make mistakes every day, but this one was wrapped up in fear and overreaction.
I read a facebook post about the new Food Safety Act. I became afraid. The post provided a link which led me to believe I wouldn't be able to buy some vitamins after the Act went into effect. If I believed the post, it also seemed as if all organic farms, seeds and backyard gardens would be in jeopardy. No vitamins? No organic backyard gardens? An outrage! Imagine only being able to consume mass manufactured / grown / modified foods. It is simply too Big Brother horrible to imagine.
Unfortunately, I continued to read the comments under the article. "How can the government do this?" I thought, as I read on and on. My heart raced. I noticed my own fear building.
I then made a mistake. I posted the link on my facebook profile, without research. Reaction without foresight or calm.
How could I have dealt with my fear?
I read a facebook post about the new Food Safety Act. I became afraid. The post provided a link which led me to believe I wouldn't be able to buy some vitamins after the Act went into effect. If I believed the post, it also seemed as if all organic farms, seeds and backyard gardens would be in jeopardy. No vitamins? No organic backyard gardens? An outrage! Imagine only being able to consume mass manufactured / grown / modified foods. It is simply too Big Brother horrible to imagine.
Unfortunately, I continued to read the comments under the article. "How can the government do this?" I thought, as I read on and on. My heart raced. I noticed my own fear building.
I then made a mistake. I posted the link on my facebook profile, without research. Reaction without foresight or calm.
How could I have dealt with my fear?
Plan for the future so you can be present for the holidays
As special holiday events approach, preparation is critical to enjoy each day more fully. Create a scheduled meeting time just for you. When you sit down to write your plan, allow your mind to wander forward to the time the event will occur. Then when you get together with others for celebration or further preparation, your mind doesn't need to jump forward anymore. It has done that work. Instead it will remain present to enjoy your current activities. And if you follow this idea at work, you will be more involved in the discussion.
Another benefit? The memories of your special event will remain more vivid in your mind. Did you know your memory relies on where your mind is? If it is constantly distracted by unfinished planning, jumping to future or into the past, it won’t be present enough to remember key moments. Time will literally pass you by, while you are somewhere else (at least in your mind).
So give yourself a gift. There is time to plan; There are moments to enjoy. Keep them separate.
Seven Steps When You Are Tight on Money and Time
I visited another blog this week, CouponMamacita. It is devoted to coupons, which feels right when people are struggling with a tight budget. It also got me thinking about the ways I've saved on money and time when both are at a premium.
So here are seven steps to combine both money savings and time savings.
1. Only use coupons worth $1.00 or more
Why? One 35 cent coupon won’t even cover your gas for the trip to the grocery store. Thirty-five, 50 and 75 cent coupons are also more plentiful, and take up valuable time to decide if you want them, to decide what to purchase once at the store, and to sort through them. Most in store specials have already reduced an item at least as much as a small value coupon. If you need mustard, look for the one on sale in the store, ensure it is the lowest price, then grab it. Stick to the in store specials, and use larger coupons for items you actually use.
2. Only cut out coupons you would normally use
Ask yourself, “do I need this type even without coupon?” If the answer is “yes,” buy it. An item may appeal to you, but is it something you need? No? Throw it in recycling. Remember the purpose of coupons: Manufacturers try to entice you to purchase their product. When flipping through mailouts and flyer coupons, make your decision quickly, and move on.
3. Keep an envelope of current coupons in your purse
Nothing is more frustrating than spending time to find useful coupons, getting to the checkout, and realize that they are all home on the kitchen counter. Once you decide which ones you want, put them in an envelope or one of those clear plastic three-hole page protectors. The thin ones fold in half easily to fit most purses.
4. Buy Bulk? Yes but only meat and frequently used items
Meat is always worth buying bulk. When you get home, marinate your meat, put them in sealable plastic bags, label and throw them in the freezer. Even better, cook all your bulk ground beef at once. Add taco seasoning to one batch, and make spaghetti sauce out of the other batch (or whatever recipe you prefer), then cool and freeze in meal sized amounts. This all takes time on the day of purchase, but saves you time and money in the long run.
Why only some other items in bulk? Bulk is like a coupon. Only sometimes is it valuable. Potatoes are inexpensive in 20 pound bags, but if you don’t have a cool place for them, the ones at the bottom of the bag will likely be thrown out. Crackers don’t easily stay crisp once opened, so half may go to waste. Finally, most of us don’t have room for a large number of bulk purchases. Save your space for cereal, soups and toilet paper, or other items you know you’ll go through.
5. Put all your phone and cable services under one company
Cable/phone companies are getting more competitive. Ask what they’ll do for you if you switch, or if you move your other services over to your existing account. A word of warning, however: some of their specials are good for one year, after which their prices could more than double. Make sure you know what the regular price will be once the special expires.
If it works for you to combine services, it will reduce your bill paying time, and make it easier to budget your expenses.
6. Update Your House Seasonally
Home improvement stores offer coupons and specials according to the season. Landscaping and gardening in the spring, roofing and siding in the early fall, and interior paint in the winter, for example. Also, take advantage of free or low cost in home estimates if making large changes. This will help you understand the true cost of your renovation, and someone who knows what you need will spend the time to develop accurate costs.
7. Finally, get your children involved, for long term rewards
Start small with children. Allocate twenty dollars a week to snacks and desserts, which are some of the most expensive non-nutritional items in your house. Decide what is covered: granola bars, cookies, ice cream, pretzels, then ask them to help you select these items at the store. Bring coupons or purchase sale items. Be creative and purchase ingredients to bake cookies at home. And compare these costs to the price of a banana or apple, to encourage better eating, and greater awareness of budgeting.
These may all be simple measures, but simple is usually the best way to reduce household stress.
Happiness and abundance to you!
So here are seven steps to combine both money savings and time savings.
1. Only use coupons worth $1.00 or more
Why? One 35 cent coupon won’t even cover your gas for the trip to the grocery store. Thirty-five, 50 and 75 cent coupons are also more plentiful, and take up valuable time to decide if you want them, to decide what to purchase once at the store, and to sort through them. Most in store specials have already reduced an item at least as much as a small value coupon. If you need mustard, look for the one on sale in the store, ensure it is the lowest price, then grab it. Stick to the in store specials, and use larger coupons for items you actually use.
2. Only cut out coupons you would normally use
Ask yourself, “do I need this type even without coupon?” If the answer is “yes,” buy it. An item may appeal to you, but is it something you need? No? Throw it in recycling. Remember the purpose of coupons: Manufacturers try to entice you to purchase their product. When flipping through mailouts and flyer coupons, make your decision quickly, and move on.
3. Keep an envelope of current coupons in your purse
Nothing is more frustrating than spending time to find useful coupons, getting to the checkout, and realize that they are all home on the kitchen counter. Once you decide which ones you want, put them in an envelope or one of those clear plastic three-hole page protectors. The thin ones fold in half easily to fit most purses.
4. Buy Bulk? Yes but only meat and frequently used items
Meat is always worth buying bulk. When you get home, marinate your meat, put them in sealable plastic bags, label and throw them in the freezer. Even better, cook all your bulk ground beef at once. Add taco seasoning to one batch, and make spaghetti sauce out of the other batch (or whatever recipe you prefer), then cool and freeze in meal sized amounts. This all takes time on the day of purchase, but saves you time and money in the long run.
Why only some other items in bulk? Bulk is like a coupon. Only sometimes is it valuable. Potatoes are inexpensive in 20 pound bags, but if you don’t have a cool place for them, the ones at the bottom of the bag will likely be thrown out. Crackers don’t easily stay crisp once opened, so half may go to waste. Finally, most of us don’t have room for a large number of bulk purchases. Save your space for cereal, soups and toilet paper, or other items you know you’ll go through.
5. Put all your phone and cable services under one company
Cable/phone companies are getting more competitive. Ask what they’ll do for you if you switch, or if you move your other services over to your existing account. A word of warning, however: some of their specials are good for one year, after which their prices could more than double. Make sure you know what the regular price will be once the special expires.
If it works for you to combine services, it will reduce your bill paying time, and make it easier to budget your expenses.
6. Update Your House Seasonally
Home improvement stores offer coupons and specials according to the season. Landscaping and gardening in the spring, roofing and siding in the early fall, and interior paint in the winter, for example. Also, take advantage of free or low cost in home estimates if making large changes. This will help you understand the true cost of your renovation, and someone who knows what you need will spend the time to develop accurate costs.
7. Finally, get your children involved, for long term rewards
Start small with children. Allocate twenty dollars a week to snacks and desserts, which are some of the most expensive non-nutritional items in your house. Decide what is covered: granola bars, cookies, ice cream, pretzels, then ask them to help you select these items at the store. Bring coupons or purchase sale items. Be creative and purchase ingredients to bake cookies at home. And compare these costs to the price of a banana or apple, to encourage better eating, and greater awareness of budgeting.
These may all be simple measures, but simple is usually the best way to reduce household stress.
Happiness and abundance to you!
Our Body Gives Us the Cues - It's Up to Us to Listen
Do you listen to your body when it says, "slow down," or "this is too much?" Or perhaps your aches and pains have become a normal part of life that you simply endure.
I used to ignore headaches, body aches, and sore throats, preferring to treat the symptom while I continued my life as if the pain didn't exist.
I recall procrastinating in my University studies, then cramming the hours in prior to a big test. During midterms, I would get a mild sore throat, then after they were over, my body would shut down and I would get the flu, bronchitis or strep throat. This happened like clockwork. For three years. In the fourth year I got smart and actually studied well ahead of time so that the pressure of cramming didn't manifest into a body illness breakdown.
A while ago I started to listen to my body as if it was trying to tell me something. By doing this, I've minimized sick days and had fewer painful symptoms.
I haven't eliminated all symptoms, but I catch them before they get out of control. Now I notice a sore throat when it first starts and examine what triggered it. While I figure out the trigger and what I need to do to get rid of it, I go to the cupboard and take out sore throat tea (I like the one by Traditional Medicinals) and make myself a cup. By doing this I accomplish two things: I treat the symptom with something more natural acetominophen or sugary sore throat lozenges, and I give my body time to slow down and rest, even if only for 20 minutes.
By listening to my symptoms I've figured out what they mean. I grind my teeth when I feel stress from a large to-do list, packing for vacation, or end of school year activities. A sore throat tells me I haven't been expressing myself fully, communicating clearly or have been unable to tell someone something I need to. A headache signals lack of control over some business circumstance. Breaking nails are the same but worse.
At this moment my jaw hurts from nighttime grinding. I also have a minor sore throat. We are on vacation. It is very busy as we fit in time with many friends and family members. And I find time slipping away quickly, as I try to catch up on news and connect after over a year's absence.
How do I know what each pain means and what to do?
First, I don't automatically assume a pain is related to the latest virus going around. Our family eats healthy, sleeps well and doesn't catch most of the viruses we see (mostly).
I ask myself, "what could be bothering me right now?"
Sometimes I ask, "have I not been my authentic self?" "When?" A lack of authenticity is a big source of people's stress these days. When one needs to restrain their comments for fear of offending or annoying a family member, or when they need to be careful what words they use because their beliefs are entirely different from their close friend, they cannot authentically express themselves. When I cannot be authentic, I get a sore throat, or sometimes a headache.
What to do with that sore throat or headache?
Treat the symptom holistically. Take care of the symptom, then take care of the whole self.
Sore throat? As mentioned above, I drink sore throat tea. If I don't have it, I drink a glass of cool water.Then I do something regenerating: a walk, reading a good book, writing. I do not force my voice into conversation, or force myself to be heard. I focus on listening to others.
Headache? A shoulder or neck massage loosens the muscles around the head. I bend my head forward and let the back of my neck stretch out. I massage my temples. Then I drink lots of water, for sometimes dehydration leads to headaches, and I take time away from whatever gave me the headache in the first place.
Stomache aches and pains are some people's achilles heel. Some suggestions? Eat less (so the stomache has less work to do), and eat natural foods: fruit, vegetables, whole grains. Drink more water. Reduce stress or move away from the source temporarily, even for 15 minutes. Distractions work for some too, as does a bit of extra sleep.
Everyone has their own triggers and their own solutions. I like the resources from Prevention Magazine, both paper and online versions.
It is up to you to decide how to reduce your own stress. But to cure your body's ailments, listen to it.
I used to ignore headaches, body aches, and sore throats, preferring to treat the symptom while I continued my life as if the pain didn't exist.
I recall procrastinating in my University studies, then cramming the hours in prior to a big test. During midterms, I would get a mild sore throat, then after they were over, my body would shut down and I would get the flu, bronchitis or strep throat. This happened like clockwork. For three years. In the fourth year I got smart and actually studied well ahead of time so that the pressure of cramming didn't manifest into a body illness breakdown.
A while ago I started to listen to my body as if it was trying to tell me something. By doing this, I've minimized sick days and had fewer painful symptoms.
I haven't eliminated all symptoms, but I catch them before they get out of control. Now I notice a sore throat when it first starts and examine what triggered it. While I figure out the trigger and what I need to do to get rid of it, I go to the cupboard and take out sore throat tea (I like the one by Traditional Medicinals) and make myself a cup. By doing this I accomplish two things: I treat the symptom with something more natural acetominophen or sugary sore throat lozenges, and I give my body time to slow down and rest, even if only for 20 minutes.
By listening to my symptoms I've figured out what they mean. I grind my teeth when I feel stress from a large to-do list, packing for vacation, or end of school year activities. A sore throat tells me I haven't been expressing myself fully, communicating clearly or have been unable to tell someone something I need to. A headache signals lack of control over some business circumstance. Breaking nails are the same but worse.
At this moment my jaw hurts from nighttime grinding. I also have a minor sore throat. We are on vacation. It is very busy as we fit in time with many friends and family members. And I find time slipping away quickly, as I try to catch up on news and connect after over a year's absence.
How do I know what each pain means and what to do?
First, I don't automatically assume a pain is related to the latest virus going around. Our family eats healthy, sleeps well and doesn't catch most of the viruses we see (mostly).
I ask myself, "what could be bothering me right now?"
Sometimes I ask, "have I not been my authentic self?" "When?" A lack of authenticity is a big source of people's stress these days. When one needs to restrain their comments for fear of offending or annoying a family member, or when they need to be careful what words they use because their beliefs are entirely different from their close friend, they cannot authentically express themselves. When I cannot be authentic, I get a sore throat, or sometimes a headache.
What to do with that sore throat or headache?
Treat the symptom holistically. Take care of the symptom, then take care of the whole self.
Sore throat? As mentioned above, I drink sore throat tea. If I don't have it, I drink a glass of cool water.Then I do something regenerating: a walk, reading a good book, writing. I do not force my voice into conversation, or force myself to be heard. I focus on listening to others.
Headache? A shoulder or neck massage loosens the muscles around the head. I bend my head forward and let the back of my neck stretch out. I massage my temples. Then I drink lots of water, for sometimes dehydration leads to headaches, and I take time away from whatever gave me the headache in the first place.
Stomache aches and pains are some people's achilles heel. Some suggestions? Eat less (so the stomache has less work to do), and eat natural foods: fruit, vegetables, whole grains. Drink more water. Reduce stress or move away from the source temporarily, even for 15 minutes. Distractions work for some too, as does a bit of extra sleep.
Everyone has their own triggers and their own solutions. I like the resources from Prevention Magazine, both paper and online versions.
It is up to you to decide how to reduce your own stress. But to cure your body's ailments, listen to it.
School Reunion - Do you primp or go natural?
My high school reunion is coming up this month. There are a handful of people I'd really like to see, plus more whose posts on facebook have me curious. They seem real, fulfilled, down-to-earth. They've either learned a lot in 25 years, like I feel I have, or I didn't really know them in high school. It must be both.
I told my friend about this event. I'm flying back to my hometown and the reunion is on the first weekend. My friend is an expert hairdresser. She has decided that I am going to have shiny, silky hair, with fantastic highlights and a great haircut.
I love the pampering. I enjoy hanging out with my friend, who I've known for less than a year, since we moved to our new house in New Jersey. I love that she loves her profession. And she's so good at it.
So does this mean I'm primping for this reunion, even if my hair looks “natural” when I attend?
I made a mistake at the last reunion. I didn’t do anything with my hair. Instead I bought a new two piece top in a color I never wore. I wanted something different and very current.
I got it.
But I didn't feel myself the whole night and I believe it showed in my conversation. I felt as nervous as a teenager again.
What is it about a class reunion that makes us crazy? We want to cover the grey, do away with the wrinkles and love handles, and present the most perfect version of ourselves we have at the moment. Why? Precisely because we've only seen them twice since we were 17. We want the comment, "she hasn't aged a bit," even though 25 years of amazing wisdom and learning has been tacked on to our bodies and minds since then.
So if I really am 25 years wiser, why can't I look 25 years older?
This time I'm determined to have as much fun, with as much confidence as I have in my normal life. Even though I'm sinking back into a room full of people I've seen twice since I was barely 17, I'm determined to be "me," comfortable, with all the wisdom and smart decisions that have brought me to the life I live today.
I find it ironic: I shouldn't have to take extra effort to plan how I look if I'm confident in my current life, should I?
One day I'll have to come to terms with my aging body, but I'm not going to do it this month. At my reunion I want to look young. I just don't want the shy, awkward feelings and flat attempts at conversations that went along with it.
I told my friend about this event. I'm flying back to my hometown and the reunion is on the first weekend. My friend is an expert hairdresser. She has decided that I am going to have shiny, silky hair, with fantastic highlights and a great haircut.
I love the pampering. I enjoy hanging out with my friend, who I've known for less than a year, since we moved to our new house in New Jersey. I love that she loves her profession. And she's so good at it.
So does this mean I'm primping for this reunion, even if my hair looks “natural” when I attend?
I made a mistake at the last reunion. I didn’t do anything with my hair. Instead I bought a new two piece top in a color I never wore. I wanted something different and very current.
I got it.
But I didn't feel myself the whole night and I believe it showed in my conversation. I felt as nervous as a teenager again.
What is it about a class reunion that makes us crazy? We want to cover the grey, do away with the wrinkles and love handles, and present the most perfect version of ourselves we have at the moment. Why? Precisely because we've only seen them twice since we were 17. We want the comment, "she hasn't aged a bit," even though 25 years of amazing wisdom and learning has been tacked on to our bodies and minds since then.
So if I really am 25 years wiser, why can't I look 25 years older?
I find it ironic: I shouldn't have to take extra effort to plan how I look if I'm confident in my current life, should I?
One day I'll have to come to terms with my aging body, but I'm not going to do it this month. At my reunion I want to look young. I just don't want the shy, awkward feelings and flat attempts at conversations that went along with it.
Whew! If Only All Fear Could be Fixed This Quickly
A couple days ago I posted a blog about my neighbor.
The conversation I had with my neighbor started off ok, then turned negative, then full of fear. I primally reacted and bolted down the street.
Yesterday I saw her at our childrens' school, while sitting in my car. My first reaction was anxiety, but I took a deep breath and gave her a smile and a hello.
She came right up to the car and apologized about the prior conversation. "I'm sorry Leigh. I think I scared you."
"Yes you did. I tend to react to fear and negativity and that was too much." I responded.
She said she knows she overreacted, that she knows she's too protective, she watches too many shows like "America's Most Wanted," and she's sorry she caused me any distress.
As she left I breathed a sigh of relief. I don't like confrontations, but I know how important it is to be open, to solve issues, to get past incidents.
We're past it. It is now up to me to let it go completely, so that it doesn't color our next conversation.
After all, we're really all one. Energy swirls around us and interacts, affecting each of us, for good or for bad. It is up to every one of us to build the positive, let go of the negative.
The conversation I had with my neighbor started off ok, then turned negative, then full of fear. I primally reacted and bolted down the street.
Yesterday I saw her at our childrens' school, while sitting in my car. My first reaction was anxiety, but I took a deep breath and gave her a smile and a hello.
She came right up to the car and apologized about the prior conversation. "I'm sorry Leigh. I think I scared you."
"Yes you did. I tend to react to fear and negativity and that was too much." I responded.
She said she knows she overreacted, that she knows she's too protective, she watches too many shows like "America's Most Wanted," and she's sorry she caused me any distress.
As she left I breathed a sigh of relief. I don't like confrontations, but I know how important it is to be open, to solve issues, to get past incidents.
We're past it. It is now up to me to let it go completely, so that it doesn't color our next conversation.
After all, we're really all one. Energy swirls around us and interacts, affecting each of us, for good or for bad. It is up to every one of us to build the positive, let go of the negative.
Negative energy from a neighbor
I'm upset.
There is a neighbor on our street that seems to find the negative in everything, and she holds on to negative events for months and months. So I hear about the broken mailbox over and over, and I hear about what the town does wrong. However, deep down she seems to be a sweet lady, simply troubled by events in her life. So I listen. I know I have the patience to listen and sometimes she offers me gems of information that helps me, a newcomer to the neighborhood.
This time, however, I should have stopped our chat sooner.
The conversation turned to the kids playing on the street. She could't believe that the parents (of which she acknowledged I am one) are not right out on the street watching them. "They are alone on the street," she says. "The neighborhood is dangerous, all neighborhoods are dangerous."
As she's speaking I can feel my back stiffen. I know it is because she is accusing me of poor parenting, though I also know our quiet, beautiful cul-de-sac has plenty of neighbor activity and I DO watch my children, though sometimes from inside. I try to let it go, ignore her comment and rally my confidence in my own parenting choices.
I say, "I disagree. I think this is a safe neighborhood, and my children know the rules and how to behave around strangers."
"But we need to have safe practices, all the time."
I defend, "we teach our children what is safe and what is not safe."
But then she says, "a strange van could go in your driveway and knock on your door. A man could come up to one of your kids and ask them to look for his lost puppy."
I interrupted, "my children know how to handle that exact situation! But I don't really want to continue this conversation." Feeling more defensive, still protective of my parenting skills, and now feeling protective of my own children.
She pushes back, "but he could have a cloth with chloriform and could shove it in their faces!"
Ooooohhhhh!!!! And with defensiveness, anxiety and now crazy fear that there is a minute chance that this could happen in an otherwise safe world, I stomped away and shouted back to her, "That is NOT GOING to HAPPEN HERE! We are in a SAFE neighborhood!"
As I walk away I am surprised I'm almost in tears. I know I feel her fear, literally feel it, and I haven't protected myself enough. For a split second the world is an evil place full of bad people, but I shut it down quickly and notice the beauty in our neighborhood, trying to regain composure.
Knowing this negative energy was now physically invading my body, I had to escape fast. I usually ground myself sufficiently to prepare for a chat with her, and I always listen for the positive, but I didn't do enough this time.
Walking into my house my throat felt raw (my throat always expresses my stress). I made myself some tea.
Maybe I overreacted? I hope not. We chose this neighborhood less than a year ago, after much research, for our children.
There is a neighbor on our street that seems to find the negative in everything, and she holds on to negative events for months and months. So I hear about the broken mailbox over and over, and I hear about what the town does wrong. However, deep down she seems to be a sweet lady, simply troubled by events in her life. So I listen. I know I have the patience to listen and sometimes she offers me gems of information that helps me, a newcomer to the neighborhood.
This time, however, I should have stopped our chat sooner.
The conversation turned to the kids playing on the street. She could't believe that the parents (of which she acknowledged I am one) are not right out on the street watching them. "They are alone on the street," she says. "The neighborhood is dangerous, all neighborhoods are dangerous."
As she's speaking I can feel my back stiffen. I know it is because she is accusing me of poor parenting, though I also know our quiet, beautiful cul-de-sac has plenty of neighbor activity and I DO watch my children, though sometimes from inside. I try to let it go, ignore her comment and rally my confidence in my own parenting choices.
I say, "I disagree. I think this is a safe neighborhood, and my children know the rules and how to behave around strangers."
"But we need to have safe practices, all the time."
I defend, "we teach our children what is safe and what is not safe."
But then she says, "a strange van could go in your driveway and knock on your door. A man could come up to one of your kids and ask them to look for his lost puppy."
I interrupted, "my children know how to handle that exact situation! But I don't really want to continue this conversation." Feeling more defensive, still protective of my parenting skills, and now feeling protective of my own children.
She pushes back, "but he could have a cloth with chloriform and could shove it in their faces!"
Ooooohhhhh!!!! And with defensiveness, anxiety and now crazy fear that there is a minute chance that this could happen in an otherwise safe world, I stomped away and shouted back to her, "That is NOT GOING to HAPPEN HERE! We are in a SAFE neighborhood!"
As I walk away I am surprised I'm almost in tears. I know I feel her fear, literally feel it, and I haven't protected myself enough. For a split second the world is an evil place full of bad people, but I shut it down quickly and notice the beauty in our neighborhood, trying to regain composure.
Knowing this negative energy was now physically invading my body, I had to escape fast. I usually ground myself sufficiently to prepare for a chat with her, and I always listen for the positive, but I didn't do enough this time.
Walking into my house my throat felt raw (my throat always expresses my stress). I made myself some tea.
Maybe I overreacted? I hope not. We chose this neighborhood less than a year ago, after much research, for our children.
Intuitive Parenting
Intuitive parenting isn't difficult if we have the right tools.
But what is the difference between "regular" parenting and intuitive parenting?
With regular parenting, we read books and ask our friends for advice. We try to stay away from too much sugar and junk food, or go a step further and avoid additives, food coloring, and high fructose corn syrup, and purchase organic when possible. We spend time with our children, provide consistent rules, and limit tv watching and video game playing.
Intuitive parenting has nothing to do with the rules, or rather, using those regular parenting rules, an intuitive parent then listens, watches and senses what must be done or said in the present moment, in order to provide the greatest love and least amount of grief for the family.
So, just what does an intuitive parent do? She (or he) listens to what she says and how she says it. She observes the effects her words have on her children. She asks questions in her mind, such as "why is my son not listening to me?" And actually waits, with a breath, for the silent answer: "he can't focus on more than one thing at a time, and that video game is his focus."
The key to that question? Wait. Breathe.
When a parent is too caught up in enforcing rules, or pushing children out the door to school, she is not focused on the present moment. She is instead focused on the future. "I must enforce this rule because if I don't my child won't listen in the future, or he'll grow up to be a lazy/disrespectful person." "I must get them to school on time or that report card at the end of the year will have one more late day on it, and what will the teacher think of me?"
When a parent is in the rule mode, their thoughts of the future are based on fear, not love.
If a parent WAITs a moment before responding with frustration or anger, and responds with love, the outcome is different. She will have time to go over to her son and sit beside him, touch his shoulder to get his attention, and say, "it looks like you are having fun, but it is time to go, Sam. Let me help you save this for later."
Of course, when a parent is already caught up in the cycle of hurry-up-frustration, it is difficult to back out of it. It can be done.
I'll tell you about it soon. Until then. Breath.
Namaste.
But what is the difference between "regular" parenting and intuitive parenting?
With regular parenting, we read books and ask our friends for advice. We try to stay away from too much sugar and junk food, or go a step further and avoid additives, food coloring, and high fructose corn syrup, and purchase organic when possible. We spend time with our children, provide consistent rules, and limit tv watching and video game playing.
Intuitive parenting has nothing to do with the rules, or rather, using those regular parenting rules, an intuitive parent then listens, watches and senses what must be done or said in the present moment, in order to provide the greatest love and least amount of grief for the family.
So, just what does an intuitive parent do? She (or he) listens to what she says and how she says it. She observes the effects her words have on her children. She asks questions in her mind, such as "why is my son not listening to me?" And actually waits, with a breath, for the silent answer: "he can't focus on more than one thing at a time, and that video game is his focus."
The key to that question? Wait. Breathe.
When a parent is too caught up in enforcing rules, or pushing children out the door to school, she is not focused on the present moment. She is instead focused on the future. "I must enforce this rule because if I don't my child won't listen in the future, or he'll grow up to be a lazy/disrespectful person." "I must get them to school on time or that report card at the end of the year will have one more late day on it, and what will the teacher think of me?"
When a parent is in the rule mode, their thoughts of the future are based on fear, not love.
If a parent WAITs a moment before responding with frustration or anger, and responds with love, the outcome is different. She will have time to go over to her son and sit beside him, touch his shoulder to get his attention, and say, "it looks like you are having fun, but it is time to go, Sam. Let me help you save this for later."
Of course, when a parent is already caught up in the cycle of hurry-up-frustration, it is difficult to back out of it. It can be done.
I'll tell you about it soon. Until then. Breath.
Namaste.
Sometimes We Have to Trust the Process – Even if it’s Driving Us Crazy!
I'm on a relaxing plane ride to San Diego.
It is Friday. I was scheduled to arrive on Wednesday. After two days of stalled travel, I'm frustrated. This experience has also tested my conscious reliance on my intuition.
After years of practice, I figure my intuition should be 100% reliable. I should also be in San Diego by now, experiencing an amazing workshop in the San Diego Writer's Conference. The assumption of reliability is my first downfall, especially when I ignore the signals.
So the last couple days I wondered what my intuition will tell me so that I can understand why I've had flight delays, missed workshops and frustration. One thing I know (and sometimes choose to ignore) is I don't always know why events happen. We aren't always meant to know the outcome.
My first mistake: The weekend before the flight I heard the weather report, yet I chose to ignore it. Snow was expected for midnight Tuesday night. Experienced east coasters I know rescheduled flights for Tuesday evening in order to miss the impending chaos. I decided our family had too much to do on Tuesday night, so didn't reschedule, and I didn't bother to check with my husband to see if it would work for him.
Wrong move.
I received a flight notification by phone on Tuesday night: my Wednesday flight was cancelled. I received a second phone notification that my flight was rescheduled for Thursday morning, 6:18am. It appeared I would make it to the conference on time.
I enjoyed the extra day home. Snow kept falling and we all went sledding and threw snowballs for our dog. Even my husband had fun with us, as his office was also closed that day.
However, appearances are deceiving. Wednesday night, as our kids got ready for bed, I received another phone message. Flight cancelled again! Oh no!!
Even worse, this time I didn't get a notification that I'd been rescheduled. With a feeling of doom, I called the airline. Eventually I spoke to someone who said that there were no flights available until Saturday evening. I couldn't believe it.
My husband told me that there was a flight out there for me. I just had to find it. So I hung up and checked the discount online services, where I found flights for sale! The one that worked involved 2 plane changes, but it would get me to San Diego by Friday night. I almost bought a ticket on the spot, then saw the 'no refunds' policy.
I called the airline back and told a different agent that there were flights available. Her first response was the same as the original agent's: there weren't any flights she could find. This time I was prepared. I repeated the flight numbers I saw on my computer screen from the discount service. She checked them out, saw a seat on that flight, and booked me on it. Yay! I would be late for the first conference day but at least I was going to get there.
So today I boarded this flight. It took off about 20 minutes late, but I was happy to get in there air and glad to finally be getting to the conference after two flight cancellations.
Then… about 45 minutes in the air the pilot announced that, due to heat sensor problems, we were turning around and going back to Newark, New Jersey. Argh!! I could instantly feel the stress rush around my body, increasing my breathing and setting my nerves on fire. I couldn't believe it.
We headed back to our origin and landed. I consciously breathed slowly, feeling my feet on the ground (smirking at how high in the sky I was while getting myself "grounded."). I opened myself up to positive energy, and consciously let negative energy go, all the while breathing slowly and deeply. I was still stressed. I could still feel my body react, and I still consciously breathed it all out.
Once on the ground, I almost made my second mistake.
But this time, instead of taking the wrong path, I let my intuitive voice lead me the right way. As we taxied in, I heard my inner voice and paid attention: I couldn't do anything about the past and had to let it go, I was allowed to be upset, and, even though I had to let go, I still could take action to improve my future. That was the key: let it go and take action.
So as soon as I got off the airline, I bee-lined it for the gate agent to figure out what I could do next. I ignored the others patiently waiting for their gate-checked bags and buzzed past them up the ramp. I should have been one of them but I had a plane to reschedule.
And that is how I ended up here.
That agent sent me to customer service, who told me to run and grab someone to get my carry-on bag off the plane (she literally yelled at me to run!). As I sped away, she rebooked me on the last seat for the next flight - a first class seat direct to San Diego.
So I am currently enjoying my smooth flight. And it will get me to the conference four hours before the three-plane-change flight that just returned to Newark.
Nice.
So what about my intuition? I ignored it on the weekend and landed in the middle of chaos and delays. Once Tuesday passed, I couldn't do anything to change that decision. However, I listened at the end of Friday's turned-around flight. I let go of any attachment to outcome and was given a direct flight in a nice seat to my conference.
What does my intuition say now? Thank you. I am grateful.
Today I miss a few hours of my conference, and I have to put in a claim for my luggage when I land in San Diego, but I get to the conference 4 hours earlier than I was expecting this morning.
I'm looking forward to arriving at the conference, learning a lot and meeting some great people.
One final note: When I packed Thursday night, I moved one change of clothes from my main bag to my carry on. Those clothes I'll need tomorrow. It is nice how things turn out when I listen to my intuition.
Namaste, Leigh
2010 Child Raising Solutions
Ok, I realize I asked too much in my November blog: Child Raising Solutions. There, I asked you to write solutions YOU use when solving child-rearing concerns.
Instead, here are a few solutions I've learned from some wonderful moms, and try to incorporate at home:
1. When one child has a playdate, arrange for same with the other(s).
2. Feed them before they're hungry - put carrots and grapes on the table before they ask.
3. Keep snacks in the glove compartment - a few granola bars or bags of peanuts or pretzels.
4. When they resist doing something, do it with them.
5. Decide if the result or the learning is more important to you, and stick with it. If you want them to learn how to clean, accept that it won't be done perfectly. If you want their room perfectly clean, get in there and help them.
6. Let them stay up late once in a while, especially if you are visiting with other families and you are having as much fun as your children.
7. Keep to routines as much as possible, where your child wants it kept. My son wants a book each night. If we watch a movie instead, I give him advance notice that it will be too late for a book. Only then is he ok with missing reading time.
8. If you start to feel upset or frustrated, try silence or a hug first. Especially if your child's behavior is causing your upset. After all, it is the behavior you want to change, not your child. So give your child a hug, then change their behavior.
9. When you feel happy, give hugs. Don't miss the opportunity for physical contact. Children need it, and flourish with lots of hugs.
10. Tell your child why they are important to you, and tell them out loud what wonderful qualities they have.
Many of these tips have been gems to me, and come from wonderful parents I know. I like to think I'm a better parent because of them. I hope these tips give you some new solutions or reminds you of old ones. Thanks sis, Christie, and other friends!
Instead, here are a few solutions I've learned from some wonderful moms, and try to incorporate at home:
1. When one child has a playdate, arrange for same with the other(s).
2. Feed them before they're hungry - put carrots and grapes on the table before they ask.
3. Keep snacks in the glove compartment - a few granola bars or bags of peanuts or pretzels.
4. When they resist doing something, do it with them.
5. Decide if the result or the learning is more important to you, and stick with it. If you want them to learn how to clean, accept that it won't be done perfectly. If you want their room perfectly clean, get in there and help them.
6. Let them stay up late once in a while, especially if you are visiting with other families and you are having as much fun as your children.
7. Keep to routines as much as possible, where your child wants it kept. My son wants a book each night. If we watch a movie instead, I give him advance notice that it will be too late for a book. Only then is he ok with missing reading time.
8. If you start to feel upset or frustrated, try silence or a hug first. Especially if your child's behavior is causing your upset. After all, it is the behavior you want to change, not your child. So give your child a hug, then change their behavior.
9. When you feel happy, give hugs. Don't miss the opportunity for physical contact. Children need it, and flourish with lots of hugs.
10. Tell your child why they are important to you, and tell them out loud what wonderful qualities they have.
Many of these tips have been gems to me, and come from wonderful parents I know. I like to think I'm a better parent because of them. I hope these tips give you some new solutions or reminds you of old ones. Thanks sis, Christie, and other friends!
Child-raising solutions
Most of us have moments as parents where we realize that, "maybe, just maybe I know what I'm doing here...at least for this moment..."
This blog's purpose is to get you to quickly think about solutions that regularly or magically appear when with your children (or niece, nephew, neighbor, pet).
Without spending too much time mulling over the frustrations (that was done in the previous blog), what moments, actions, statements or questions have resolved that childhood problem? How have you avoided that crisis? When have you patted yourself on the back for recognizing that you were part of the solution?
Help us all by offering your solutions below this blog, however brief or complex.
Come back in a few days to see others' solutions. None of them will be attached to a problem or challenge.
The fun part to this? Mix and match solutions to alternate problems. See if something new comes up for you. Heck, get your kids (or your talking parrot) to choose a new solution to an old problem. When the list is there, you could even do eeny, meeny, miney, moe and see what you get.
Have fun with it! (Perhaps that is one of the solutions...)
Play with these posts, try them out, and see what works for you!
This blog's purpose is to get you to quickly think about solutions that regularly or magically appear when with your children (or niece, nephew, neighbor, pet).
Without spending too much time mulling over the frustrations (that was done in the previous blog), what moments, actions, statements or questions have resolved that childhood problem? How have you avoided that crisis? When have you patted yourself on the back for recognizing that you were part of the solution?
Help us all by offering your solutions below this blog, however brief or complex.
Come back in a few days to see others' solutions. None of them will be attached to a problem or challenge.
The fun part to this? Mix and match solutions to alternate problems. See if something new comes up for you. Heck, get your kids (or your talking parrot) to choose a new solution to an old problem. When the list is there, you could even do eeny, meeny, miney, moe and see what you get.
Have fun with it! (Perhaps that is one of the solutions...)
Play with these posts, try them out, and see what works for you!
Your Spouse Lost a Job - How to Cope, Part 4
In this final installment to cope when a spouse loses a job, sometimes the simplest remedies are the best medicine.
1. Reconnect with Your Husband
Bring out an old photo album, or take new pictures
Leave love notes next to the coffee, or in the mirror so he can see it in the steam
Be intimate – both of you will feel a renewed sense of yourselves and each other
Watch funny movies or the comedy channel – laughter is its own medicine
2. Maintain Perspective
Above all, remind yourself that this is temporary
Don’t get caught up in negativity (deep breathe!)
Keep your eyes open for opportunity, trust your intuition, and act on ideas and information
Recall this story started with Pamela and her husband, Peter. In the end, I reminded Pamela that Peter will work through stages of emotions naturally,[i] and life will start to feel better. Her family, and others affected by this unemployment crisis will weather this storm and come out the other side. We all will.
Leigh Harris is writing Metaphysical Mom: Five Minutes to Calm. She is also a mother, facilitator, life and career coach, and practices creative family budgeting. She can be reached at metaphysicalmum@gmail.com
[i] See Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s On Death and Dying for a better understanding of these stages
1. Reconnect with Your Husband
Bring out an old photo album, or take new pictures
Leave love notes next to the coffee, or in the mirror so he can see it in the steam
Be intimate – both of you will feel a renewed sense of yourselves and each other
Watch funny movies or the comedy channel – laughter is its own medicine
2. Maintain Perspective
Above all, remind yourself that this is temporary
Don’t get caught up in negativity (deep breathe!)
Keep your eyes open for opportunity, trust your intuition, and act on ideas and information
Recall this story started with Pamela and her husband, Peter. In the end, I reminded Pamela that Peter will work through stages of emotions naturally,[i] and life will start to feel better. Her family, and others affected by this unemployment crisis will weather this storm and come out the other side. We all will.
Leigh Harris is writing Metaphysical Mom: Five Minutes to Calm. She is also a mother, facilitator, life and career coach, and practices creative family budgeting. She can be reached at metaphysicalmum@gmail.com
[i] See Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s On Death and Dying for a better understanding of these stages
Your Spouse Lost a Job - How to Cope, part 3
People may be feeling more positive about our economic future, though there are still a few hills to climb. In this part 3 of 4, what else can you do to help your spouse cope with job loss?
Tell your husband you will do all you can to help you both weather this storm. You, also, will look for a job and ask for help. Do this together. In doing so you will have stronger resources, reduced costs, and perfected resumes.
1. Look for employment
Determine your own skills. What jobs have you held in the past? What skills do you have now? Use volunteer experience to your benefit.
Fix up your own resume. Ask friends or an employment service to read it over and edit it.
Talk to friends. Personal connections are the best source for employment. Use online resources such as Facebook or LinkedIn.
If you already work, consider a second temporary job.
2. Source Out Friends for Help
You may need to rant and rave too. Ask trusted friends for an ear.
Offer to babysit alternate weeks for friends in exchange for the same. Keep it simple. Five o’clock to seven thirty is time for an early dinner out (a picnic in the park or your back yard), a long walk, or relaxing on the couch with your husband. An early pickup time means your children get to bed on time and you can do this mid week.
Ask a friend if they can edit a resume (yours) or encourage your husband to ask one of his friends.
Join a farmers’ cooperative with friends. Splitting delivery of healthy local produce may be cost effective.
Exchange services. Do you have an abundance of vegetables in your garden, and know someone who edits well? Trade vegetables for resume help.
Host a potluck dinner. Many families do this when money isn’t an issue (new dishes to try!) so do it now, and keep in touch with friends in a low-cost way.
Finally, when you feel the stress of your husband's job loss, keep going. You will be surprised at your strength and determination. Find your own job, however temporary, and enlist the help of friends, to maintain the resilience and support that strengthens the foundation of your family and marriage.
Leigh Harris is writing Metaphysical Mom: Five Minutes to Calm. She is also a mother, faciliator, life and career coach, and practices creative family budgeting. She can be reached at metaphysicalmum@gmail.com .
Tell your husband you will do all you can to help you both weather this storm. You, also, will look for a job and ask for help. Do this together. In doing so you will have stronger resources, reduced costs, and perfected resumes.
1. Look for employment
Determine your own skills. What jobs have you held in the past? What skills do you have now? Use volunteer experience to your benefit.
Fix up your own resume. Ask friends or an employment service to read it over and edit it.
Talk to friends. Personal connections are the best source for employment. Use online resources such as Facebook or LinkedIn.
If you already work, consider a second temporary job.
2. Source Out Friends for Help
You may need to rant and rave too. Ask trusted friends for an ear.
Offer to babysit alternate weeks for friends in exchange for the same. Keep it simple. Five o’clock to seven thirty is time for an early dinner out (a picnic in the park or your back yard), a long walk, or relaxing on the couch with your husband. An early pickup time means your children get to bed on time and you can do this mid week.
Ask a friend if they can edit a resume (yours) or encourage your husband to ask one of his friends.
Join a farmers’ cooperative with friends. Splitting delivery of healthy local produce may be cost effective.
Exchange services. Do you have an abundance of vegetables in your garden, and know someone who edits well? Trade vegetables for resume help.
Host a potluck dinner. Many families do this when money isn’t an issue (new dishes to try!) so do it now, and keep in touch with friends in a low-cost way.
Finally, when you feel the stress of your husband's job loss, keep going. You will be surprised at your strength and determination. Find your own job, however temporary, and enlist the help of friends, to maintain the resilience and support that strengthens the foundation of your family and marriage.
Leigh Harris is writing Metaphysical Mom: Five Minutes to Calm. She is also a mother, faciliator, life and career coach, and practices creative family budgeting. She can be reached at metaphysicalmum@gmail.com .
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