How to Deal with Regret

• *this article was first published as http://thinksimplenow.com/wisdom/how-to-deal-with-regret/
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The last time I felt a true sense of regret I was careening off the side of the road into a 30-foot ditch. For a split second I thought I might die.

That day there was a downpour, the road was collecting water, and, while I was going the speed limit, it was too fast for the conditions. I wanted to get to the next business destination.

Suddenly I could feel the car hydroplaning, and I struggled to keep the car straight. I’m guessing I kept the car on the road for 50 feet or so, before it caught enough ground to veer to the right, over the edge of the embankment.

I was eight weeks pregnant, and my daughter was 20 months old. It was a frightening experience, yet my feeling of fear paled in comparison to this powerful sense of regret.

Clear in my mind was the mistake I made (going too fast), and for one speeding moment it was possible I could take two lives and leave my daughter without a mom, and my husband without a wife.

Yet as quickly as I felt regret, it was replaced with relief. My car bottomed out in a wide ditch, nose down, but not excessively. I sat in the car, shaking, and made a few phone calls, then calmly got out and climbed to the edge of the road. I had lots of time to think, both at the edge of the road and for months afterwards.

It was in those months I realized regret is a wasted emotion. It is a draining, low-vibrating feeling based on action, which can’t be changed. As with any life altering moment, I’ve learned from it, and haven’t felt regret since that day. I hope you consider the effect regret may have in your life, and can take steps to eliminate it for good.

Regret. It almost always occurs when something wrong happens which you cannot fix. Webster’s Dictionary defines it as grief caused by the want or loss of something formerly possessed.

I believe regret goes even deeper than that. It is grief from the loss of something because you made a mistake. If you lose something, yet did everything right, you might feel anger, sadness, or frustration, but you won’t feel regret.

It is the irreversible mistake, which holds such power. Mistakes can include wrong words (or not communicating), careless behavior, or unthinking actions. Have you ever lost a relationship with a lover or friend? If you feel regret around it, you probably remember the mistakes you’ve made.

But that memory, and your feelings around it, can affect your happiness right now. Here are four lessons I’ve learned on how to deal with regret and the necessarily steps to overcome the experience of regret.

4 Lessons: How to Deal with Regret

1. Learn to Forgive

Regret happens when you don’t forgive yourself. When your mistake feels final, like going too fast on a highway, it is too easy to feel regret. However, forgiveness is a powerful catalyst, and is one of the most loving actions you can take for yourself. While regret holds you back in the past, forgiveness helps you to move forward.

Tell yourself, “That was part of who I was then. I didn’t know any better or I would have made a different choice. That mistake helped me to grow into who I am today. I forgive myself and resolve to move forward.” Believe what you tell yourself.

2. Let Go of Negative Feelings

Send negative feelings about your actions into the past, where the action occurred. They don’t do you any good now.

Visualize moving those pent-up feelings from your body back to the moment they occurred, with the more innocent version of yourself. (Here, you can forgive both yourself and those feelings.)

3. Find the Lessons

Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” When you make a mistake, there is ALWAYS something to learn.

Learning equals growth. It is more difficult to feel loss when your focus is on gain, and on bettering yourself.

My main lesson from my accident wasn’t simply to slow down; it was to listen to my intuition. It told me to slow down before I slid, but in my rush, I didn’t listen. I learned my lesson.

4. Letting Go of Old & Creating New

That person or thing you lost – what did it symbolize for you? What feeling did you enjoy (or wish to enjoy)?

Did your ex-spouse provide comfort and personal connection? Did a foreclosed house symbolize accomplishment and success for you?

Move feelings of comfort or success away from something in the past, and connect them to something new. Focus on new accomplishments and connections so you can move forward, away from memories, which no longer serve you.

Parting Words on Regret

The common thread in each of these lessons is to let go of the past, and create a better future. When you do this, there is no longer room for regret, for it serves no active purpose.

Concentrate on now. Put your passion into a new relationship, a new skill or a new adventure. Forgive yourself, learn from your mistakes, and move forward with a clear conscience.

What part of yourself will you forgive in order to move on?

What are your hopes and dreams? What part of them exists right now (the seed to them coming true)?

Put Your Past Behind You - 8 Steps to Implement Now

“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”  ~ Deborah Reber

Has this ever happened to you?

You are in a good place in your life, grateful for your lovely house, and happy with most of your decisions and opportunities. The days tick by nicely, until one day someone from your past appears out of the blue. They may be an old flame, an old neighbor, or your friend's creepy uncle. Suddenly, you are transported back in time, back to a day of uncertainty, frustration or grief. 

They say "hello." And their voice brings memories rushing through in technicolor. Or perhaps you never forgot it, not quite being able to let it go.

We all have discomfort in our lives, and much of it is based either in the past or the future. For the most part, we try to learn from our mistakes, or we try not to worry about something that hasn't happened yet. The thing is, emotions are the connectors to strong memories. When we are confronted with our past, those emotions can come flooding back with the memory.

And yet we know, on some level of our consciousness, that allowing ourselves to get pulled back into the past does us no good. When we relive an old moment, our bodies don't know the difference between a memory and a current event. Our heart starts to race as if it is happening now. Our throat tightens, our limbs stiffen, and our thoughts get extraordinarily focused...on this unproductive memory. We lose awareness of ourselves and sink into that old moment. Unfortunately, some of our reactions may also then become old ones. When we have a second to step away mentally from the memory, we may give our heads a shake. "What was I thinking? Why did I just react like that?"

There are other situations in life that we may fall into this unawareness. Where we lose our current consciousness and best decision-making skills. This happens if our brain is hijacked by our fight or flight responses. It happens if we relive a traumatic moment, or if we allow a fear or phobia to take over.

So, how do we put our past behind us? How can we stay present and aware so that our memories, thoughts and emotions don't unconsciously take over?

1. Practice mindfulness throughout your day. This includes being aware of your thoughts, and which ones follow what, down the road to an emotion. Once you can be aware of thoughts and emotions, you will be able to more readily shift them both so that you don't fall into an old reactive habit.

2. Sit in a safe space with a safe person, and, if viable, relive and process that old memory to allow you to work through it and come out the other side with a different frame of mind. If your memory was a serious or traumatic one, please make a counsellor or therapist the safe person.

3. Practice multiple perceptual positions. In a conversation, focus on being YOU. Feel your feelings, notice your surroundings, hear what is happening, use your senses to be as present, in your body and with the other person, as possible. THEN practice observation. Pretend you are the watcher of your thoughts and feelings. What are you thinking? How are your emotions displaying on your face? What are your responses? Ask these questions as the observer of yourself. THEN if possible, observe the observer, as if you are watching yourself, watching the conversation on a movie screen. If this one is difficult, focus on moving in and out between the 1st and 2nd position. If you want help moving into the 3rd position, let me know.

When your daily habit becomes awareness and mindfulness, and observing how you respond and react, you will be more informed of your emotional response and better able to remove yourself from that past moment.

If you are also able to work through some of the more intense emotional moments, you can effectively release the attachment to that memory. There are additional methods to this process that are helpful, but not appropriate through written instruction.

When you find yourself falling back into an emotional memory, try taking these actions in the moment:

4. Take a deep breath, and let it out. Then take another. Focus on your breath. This will help to keep you present.

5. Summon up a positive emotion - think of a moment when you felt love, joy, happiness or peace - then imagine sending a dose of this emotion to the person that created the memory rush. If this feels uncomfortable, acknowledge your discomfort and send it anyways. Like the act of forgiveness, that process is more healing to you, than to them. But there is a chance they may need an extra dose of love, care, or happiness in their life.

6. Like above, Acknowledge your feelings. Allow them to reside in your body long enough for them to dissapate. Stay aware of how they feel in your body.

7. Speak of your discomfort honestly if you can. (“I’m sorry we ended the way we did.” Or “Wow, I’ve thought a lot about you since the last time we spoke.” Or, "I haven't seen you in a while.")

8. Recognize where this emotion is coming from (your past). Then get present.

Life has a way of surprising us, and the surprise isn’t always pleasant. So make an effort to recognize how an old relationship may affect you, and how your current response can inform your future.

Don’t let negative past emotions color the present moment any more than it needs to. Take steps to keep past anxiety where it belongs. If it feels really fresh, then you probably never let go of that moment. Use the steps above to let go of that anxiety right now, before it saps any more of your energy. 

Recognize how far you’ve come since that moment, and take steps to forgive, if forgiveness is needed. 

Whatever the current moment brings, give yourself a gift. Face it with courage and honesty, and move on with a smile and with awareness of all you are grateful for now in your life.

6 Steps to Help a Spouse Through Job Loss

“Peter hides it well, but I know he is miserable, and the tension in our house is unbearable at times,” Pamela confesses to me over coffee.

Pamela’s husband recently lost his job. She is nervous about spending a single unnecessary dollar, and the only way she agreed to meet me is after I offered to treat her – a frank and necessary reality.

“I wish I could help him, but he balks at any suggestion I make, as if I’m the cause of this problem.” Pamela’s story is increasingly familiar in this economy.

5 Ways to Make Employers Want You While Unemployed

We know that getting hired is easier when you are already employed. And as a job seeker, you want to appear current in the job market, but some of you feel that joblessness simply strips away your professional image. Unemployment – whether through a layoff or a choice to take time off – can feel like a deep chasm for so many professionals. Once highly desireable as an employee or supervisor, now you start to question your job worth and wonder who will hire you. Fortunately there are a few steps that you can take to create a highly employable image both for that future employer and for your own frame of mind.

3 Steps to a Stress-Free Holiday with Family & Friends

Christmas is a holiday I look forward to every year. My mother taught me the joy of Christmas, as she enthusiastically planned dinners, decorated the tree, and invited cherished loved ones to visit.

I feel the joy she feels, and am conscious of passing this beautiful feeling on to my children.

However, I am also aware that this genuinely abundant feeling can get caught up in the misdirection of materialism. It can also get lost in the politics of merging two traditions (in my case, my husband's and mine), and sharing enough time with each family member and dear friend.

For years, these three "issues" caused me unnecessary stress. I focused on those three only, and forgot about my primary value of the joy of the season. For years the gifts had to be "even", the hours with each side if the family had to be even, but the traditions that created that joy? Well, I had to do them. After all, the tinsel placed just right and the stocking overflowing with gifts were what Christmas was all about...wasn't it?

Then one year I decided to forgo the anxiety (and perhaps just got a little bit wiser), and focused on the moments of happiness, and the activities that brought me joy.

How did I shift my thinking? I formed these three holiday rules:

Focus on the moment.

When I created a visiting schedule, I focused on the people I would be seeing - I enjoyed adding names of loved ones. I didn't focus on those I wouldn't see that day.

Then each day, I became fully present with those in the room, virtually eliminating worries.

2. Simply do your best. And know that your best is good enough.

When I spend my time with family, I give my best to the family who is present. When I see friends, I give my best to them. If I need a 20 minute shut eye, it is better to take it if there is time, than to power through a whole evening being tired.

When we focus on joy (or another favorite core feeling), then our mind isn't cluttered with "what ifs," and should I's." Instead, we can put our best effort into being joyful.

3. Practice forgiveness.

Forgiveness is one of the core teachings of Christmas. It relieves us of the heaviness of our human responsibilities.

Instead of being caught up in our errors, we can forgive ourselves and move into a lighter perspective, into a more joyful outlook. This benefits everyone involved.

We can also forgive others for their human learnings. Remember, we can only do our best.

And wouldn't you know it, when the desire for joy was my primary motivator to be in the moment, to do my best, and to be more forgiving, then I en-JOYed the holidays even more!i also noticed that when the planning details were no longer the focus, then traditions merged nicely, we spent lots of time with family, and giving gifts created happiness, while getting gifts was merely a pleasing side effect.

Hope you feel your best during the holidays, filled with love, and loving moments.

Feel Thanksgiving Gratitude Each Day

Today is Thanksgiving in the US.

When I live my moments in gratitude, each day seems lighter, more up lifting.

Recall the last time someone cut you off in traffic. Most likely you felt frustration and annoyance. Natural feelings, and appropriate to experience them. However, how did you react?

You always have a choice in your reactions, though sometimes feelings are so overwhelming that you feel you must follow them. With frustration, you may shout and clench your fist. With annoyance you may grumble and hit your horn.

We can feel those feelings, let ourself experience the tension in our body, then take a deep breath and change the thoughts developing in our mind.

Perhaps the person cutting you off is distracted by problems at home. Maybe they looked at a text on their cell phone. You can choose to feel grateful that you are alert enough to hit your brakes and stop an accident, or that there was no one behind you to run into you. You can choose to appreciate that your children were not in the car.

You can choose to feel gratitude. In any situation in life, say to yourself, "what am I grateful for right now?"

Next time you make this choice, notice the moment lighten, your mood uplift...just a little.

Today, I feel grateful for you, my inspiration. Thank you for being part of my life.

Happy Thanksgiving.


Next week, we continue with part two of "Awakening."

How do you "Awaken" and what is Awakening?

We are each on our own journey in life. Each with our own lessons, struggles, and joy.

In our journey, many of us will, at some point, Awaken.

What does this mean, to awaken?

Some people, at a very young age, have a sense that Something exists beyond their flesh and blood. They seem to know there is the world beyond, and connected to others - the energy exchanged, the love that affects a child, the anger that withers an opponent, or the emotional and reactionary choices they make that affect their environment and those around them.

Others have a realization just as they are about to pass at the end of their life.

Most of us start with the simple knowledge that there is more to life than our physical being, and some greater purpose than our daily activities. We search for understanding through religion, spirituality, psychology or experience.

And when a new piece of knowledge resonates with us, when the truth of it feels profound, we acknowledge the "Aha!" moment or feel the tingles of truth while the hair on our arms rise.

Throughout your life, I'm sure you can recall some "Aha!" moments. The moment may have been something simple, such as a sudden understanding of how to process a math problem. Or perhaps it was a greater understanding of human nature, such as realizing why a friend always responded a certain way.

In my experience, I most often felt my "Aha!" moments when a universal truth resonated with the core of my being. As if a light switch went on as I finally realized why I had chosen the path I did.

What does AHA! mean to you?

At one point I was feeling that switch so frequently that I took to writing them down, knowing that there had to be some universal insight to the pattern of profound moments. In fact, the insight was quite personal, not something that would change all of mankind. They were shifts in my own development, growth moments that propelled me into a new awareness. However, by the time I figured this out, I had absorbed the knowledge so completely that my response was, "well, duh! That is just common sense!" It was as if I always knew these discoveries.

And perhaps I did, on some subconscious level. In fact, THIS awareness (that the knowledge was always there...somewhere) triggered a new level of understanding.

Which led to my participation in classes that were on the "fringe". Soaking up others' teachings in intuition, afterlife, and unseen energy, I practiced conscious ways of thinking such as "noticing" and "observing". By doing this, I observed how my thoughts and senses were connected to my environment.

I began to notice how a certain feeling (a spacious calmness is how I can best describe it) would precede a small crisis at work, and I began to look for that crisis before it hit. It was as if my subconscious was preparing my conscious self for action. With new awareness of my senses, I also noticed unique smells that would symbolically demonstrate to me, how someone may be behaving in my environment.

For example, I remember arriving at work one early morning, the first one into the air conditioned office, when a skunk smell wafted by. Before my expanded awareness, I would have written it off as simply strange. With my new insight and observations, this scent helped me to be ready to respond to the "skunk" I would interact with in a meeting later that day.

I also practiced new behaviors such as focusing positive energy on a crystal necklace then wearing it under my business clothes. This necklace helped to remind me to be positive (or confident, or action-oriented, or calm in the face of stress, depending on the situation I was preparing for).

As I learned more and more awareness activities, my own "Aha's" came flowing so fast I didn't have time to write them all down. Learning, and slowly Awakening to this other side to life became a part of my day. And I no longer hid those crystal necklaces, because they were no longer "fringe" in my own life. My energy practice became normal, as did constant observation of my own thoughts and actions, and how I could change my very human responses to mirror my soul's Awakening.

Is there a point when one is fully Awakened?

The thing about Awakening, is that the more you know, the more you realize there is to learn. And as we learn, the more clearly we understand that we are all connected, that our thoughts and actions affect others, that we can become compassionate in all situations, and that we always have a choice in how we respond (though we sometimes forget). And in Awakening, we realize that the profound knowledge gained is the same as simple love and empathy for the humanness of each other.

...I have been writing and revising this post for many weeks. This subject is so expansive that I find it difficult to define. In fact, part two is next week. Every day, I continue to discover and relearn aspects of Awakening.

If you have insight or examples to share that this post has triggered for you, please share with us in the comments below! We continue to learn from each other.

How to Build a Team on the Side of a Road

My daughter’s soccer coach treated the girls to slurpees after their first game of the season. They loved the slurpees, but that was not the best part of the after-game celebration for them.

For the girls, the celebration happened at the side of the road, among screams and shouts for excitement.

What happened?

With their slurpees, the girls sat on a small grassy hill next to the busy broad intersection. Cars drove by, but so did trucks, delivery vans and friends’ parents. Happy and having fun together after their first game, the girls gestured by pulling truck horns in the air, encouraging all drivers to honk back at them. They were hard to miss, all decked out in electric yellow team colors, screaming and laughing.

Practically every vehicle that drove by honked. The girls loved it.

But better than that, the team felt powerful. They felt empowered. The drivers gave them control by responding to their simple gesture. That control could have only been created because of teamwork, so spontaneous and so authentic.

Of course their coach treated them to slurpees to build the team. She knew what she was doing.

The sugar kick was a happy side effect that was hardly noticed … compared to the joy of having fun, together as a team, at the side of a road.

How to stop fearful thoughts before they control you

The wind whipped through the house last night. Doors slammed shut and papers flew.

It is the end of September in San Diego and the wind was cold. We propped our bedroom door open so we could enjoy the breeze and sleep in the fresh air. We have done that every night for a few months now. We are so fortunate to have beautiful sleeping weather most nights. So grateful to wear flip flops in the day, and snuggle under a warm blanket at night. Last night was colder than normal, and we snuggled deeper.

Last night I slept the entire night except when I woke up with a fearful thought, "we don't have heat in our house!" It was one of those irrational middle-of-the-night fears and it wouldn't leave.

How to Make a Good Decision

Recently I was immersed in both decision making and a frustrating lack of being able to decide. When actions were out of my control, I had to be annoyingly patient. When they were in my control, the decisions were life-altering.

Early last summer, my husband received notification that his large company was closing its operations in New Jersey.

The following month we went on FIVE vacations.

When a BIG decision is beyond your control, focus on the little decisions for a short time

Lucky for us, the decision to go on those vacations had already been made. We just followed our plane reservations, hotel bookings and camping plans. As we absorbed the idea that we may have to move again (we'd only been in New Jersey for three years, so moving was still fresh), we also relaxed in St. Baarth's, and rode roller coasters in Hershey, PA. We saw the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia, and stayed with friends down the Jersey Shore. Finally, we drove for the last time up to the Muskoka Lakes in Ontario to visit cousins and siblings.

Two Steps to Lessen Fears from the Past

I am scared.

I am 14 years old and two teenager strangers approach me. It is not a dangerous situation. It is in the school hall in between classes and I am safe. My fear is from shyness. My fear is that I won't know what to say or do, and to make matters worse, my fear is what totally tongue-ties me, making my expectations come true.

Today it seems these two strangers expect me to have a normal conversation as they introduce themselves.

"I'm Brett."
"I'm Beth."

silence....

"And what is your name?"

"Oh, I'm Leigh." And I can't imagine anything to say. Nothing brilliant, enlightening or 'normal' comes to my mind. So I make an excuse as to why I'm feeling so dumb-struck.

"I really ran hard in gym today." Only they didn't hear my fear. They don't know that my thoughts are racing so fast that I don't know which thought to catch and spit out of my mouth. And they certainly don't know what running in gym class has to do with introducing myself to them.

But that is how I am feeling, and how I respond. And given that, as a teenager, I created this situation almost every time I met someone new, I became more fearful each time I stepped into a new social situation.

And so at 14 years old, I sense Brett and Beth's confusion. They don't know how to respond to my irrelevant "gym" comment, and in their own uncertainty, they turn around and walk away.

And my fear increases.

How that Fear Affects Me Now

Ok, so that was thirty years ago, and still, in some new social situations I find myself feeling this same fear. A dark cloud looms that threatens to descend, strangling me so that I can't spit my own name out, so that the words that do come out are like rain showers on a sunny day. It feels strange, and part of me becomes 14 again.

We are moving to a new city in a few weeks. I'm looking forward to the sunshine. I'm not looking forward to making new friends. Those situations are like the dark cloud. And I really like the friends I have.

What if I can't make friends like I did here?

Reality is Always Better than Fear

Reality is, I am not 14 anymore, and I have easy conversations with people, familiar and new.

This helps me to quickly move past brief memories.

1. Real is now - the past is gone and the present is the only reality

Fear from the past can bounce back into our minds and emotional memory, but if we acknowledge that this is from the past, then we can focus on the present.

My present reality is that I know we will meet people we like, and we will connect with them. In fact, my husband and I always meet people we like. People are likable, in general. Our children will also meet other children that they enjoy. There will be playdates, coffee dates, and bbq invites.

These people won't be strangers for long.

My teenage memory has nothing to do with today.

Teenagers seem to always have angst of some sort. Their hormones go wild, dragging their emotions one way and another. Some of those emotions stay into adulthood. Others dissipate with the passing of time.

We are not the people we were at 14. Literally. Our body has had time to shed every last cell that was alive in us at 14, and all the cells that make up who we are now did not exist when we were teenagers.

But emotional memory can stay with us or return at uncertain times. When we face change and don't know what is on the other side, old fears can pop up. but they don't stay there for long. They don't have to, because it is the past that appears, and we have the power to place the past back where it belongs, in the past.

When fear pops up at inconvenient times, I sometimes use Tapping to get rid of the emotion behind those lingering memories. Meditation can work too. And sometimes simply being wiser is all I need to know that who I am today is not anywhere near who I was at 14.

I know far more than that 14-year-old did. She coped in her best way possible, and taught me how to overcome my shyness. She had the strength to put herself into uncomfortable situations and risk looking foolish, so that she could learn and grow past the fear.

2. Acknowledge fear and thank it for its lessons

That 14-year-old taught well. She could be the reason I have compassion for others' fear in strange and uncertain situations. She could be the reason why psychology, coaching and communications have been my career focus.

And I can thank her for developing strength and risk-taking, for it is still part of who I am. She is the one who at 20-years-old was determined to lead a song in front of 140 kids and 28 camp counsellors, despite her shyness. She is the one who skydived at 30-years-old.

She is the one who grew to train a couple thousand adults in life and job skills, and who still felt the fear of speaking in front of those adults, yet did it anyway. (And understood why fear might have held those students back from living their life more fully.)

Is it fair to expect all our fears to leave us completely?

I don't think so.

They remind us of who we were, of who we are, and of the journey we traveled in between. I am still traveling my journey, and learning as I go. I know in my gut that life is good, and that on the other side of that fear is something better than I could know from this side. I just have to travel there.

What are your fears? Are any of them holding you back from saying, "yes"? What single step can you take to get to the other side?

How to Make Holiday Happiness Last

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukah. With all the planning leading up to your holiday parties, I hope you had time to enjoy each event.

With time left to celebrate, you are no doubt still busy. What do you have planned for the weekend, or for New Year's Eve? How do you plan to spend the last few days of 2012?

We will spend a few evenings with local friends. Most Christmases we travel to see family, but we will not be living in New Jersey one year from now, and we have some wonderful friends here. This year it is about appreciating the friends we have made the past 3.5 years living on the East coast.

Holidays at the end of the year is about appreciation.

Sometimes people get caught up in the planning, and miss the appreciation. It is easy to fall into this. Grocery lists, to do lists, dinner menu lists and gift lists can be over consuming.

There is much to do. Fortunately there are also ways to get past the "lists" and into the moment.

The "moment" - the very present, when you aren't worried about the future, and not anxious about the past - is where JOY resides.

So what can you do?

1. Involve family - ask your spouse, and delegate to your kids. My children helped me blend cookie mixes, and Paul helped me clean the bowls and beaters after they were done.

2. Delegate to the grocery store. The deli department makes great meats, cheeses and chicken wings. The bakery makes fresh buns.

3. Watch your over-production. Do you ever fill your fridge with so much food, you know half of it will never be eaten?

4. Pre-wrap a couple great gifts for last minute invites. Consumables (wine, cookies, almond brittle, cheeses) are always appreciated.

5. Book time for you and your immediate family. This year I grabbed a half dozen movies from the library. We played card games, and took the dog for walks. Our children still like to play games with us (hope it lasts a few more years ... But I'll appreciate the moment while I can!) AND I didn't spend movie time on the Internet getting other "tasks" done.

6. The most important thing... WHATEVER you are doing, stay in the moment. Enjoy the smells of your baking, appreciate the quiet of early morning grocery shopping, or of running into a friend in the store. Listen to your children's laughter. Focus on connecting with friends and family, instead of what food is being served.

And when the holiday season is over, and you make those lists of a normal existence, stay focused on the present.

How do you do that?

If you start to think about how much you loved the visit with your neighbor, call her and let her know.

If the house feels too quiet (and you feel a little sad that company has gone home), listen to your favorite music...or put on holiday music just one more day!

Make your favorite soup for dinner and enjoy a simple meal. Or make your children's favorite spaghetti.

And though the sounds of January are different, take time to really listen to them. The splash of rain under car tires freshens the city air. Snowfall creates a sleepy quiet. The kettle boils for a fragrant tea.

Rain...snow...tea... Spend five minutes....a few times a day... to think as simply as this.

Warm slippers... A glass of wine... The pop of heat from the fireplace.

What else can your senses experience to keep you in the moment? ...to settle your thoughts?

And to make the happy, joyful feeling of the holidays last?

Happiness and joy for your new year.

11 Steps to Radical Personal Change

Author Ken Wert wrote an inspirational, to-learn-from tribute to Dr. Stephen Covey, motivational speaker who recently passed away.

Catch it here in 11 Steps to Radical Personal Change:

http://meanttobehappy.com/11-steps-and-11-quotes-to-radical-personal-change-a-tribute-to-stephen-r-covey/

Enjoy your week and stay present.

50 Simple Ways to Make Others Feel Special

During the busyness of summer, we search for ways to connect with friends and family. Here is 50 Simple Ways to Make Others Feel Special by Daniel Wong, on Think Simple Now.

http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/make-others-feel-special/

Enjoy your summer!

Do It Yourself - Beautiful Personalized Plates

I'm always looking for new gift ideas - ones with a personal touch.

I love 24/7 Moms' idea - personalizing plates. It is an update on our children's plastic plates they decorated when they were in kindergarten. These new ones could be done from one adult to another! Or get your kids involved:)

For the full article, click this link: http://247moms.com/2012/06/diy-personalized-plate-its-a-cinch/

Use Your Passion to Nurture Other Ones

Do you ever find yourself in a slump, lacking enthusiasm for your job, your workouts or your family obligations?

Strawberry passion

If you are like me, you may find yourself with a to do list that grows. Unless it has a deadline, it doesn't get done. This doesn't happen very often, but when it does, it is frustrating.

Kick starting motivation can be difficult.

Commit to Your Kids - for the Ultimate Adrenaline Rush

My heart raced, my fists clenched, my voice cracked.

It was an adrenaline rush.

The last two weeks have been the most tense, most entertaining soccer ever. My 8 1/2 year old son was showing skills he didn't have a few weeks before, and his whole team seemed to be doing the same.They are half the size of adults (it seems) and yet the kick backs, side moves, and strong  punts mirror professional soccer (at least it feels that way).

And as Ryan deeks out a defender, my feet leap around as if I was the one with the ball. I try to keep them still, but they are as enthusiastic as my voice.

I actually checked to make sure I wasn't breaking any unwritten "yelling too loud" rule. I was told, "stay positive and you'll be fine." Oh yeah, I'm positive. Positive Ryan is going to be the best soccer player ever! (Along with the rest of his gelling team, of course.) I feel like I'm channeling my inner Sandra Bullock in the Blind Side, only she wasn't so noisy.

But this is a new experience for me. How proud I feel, how excited for my son and his team, how happy to focus solely on the game.

As parents, we enjoy watching our children's sports. Sensing their hard work, their accomplishments, and their personal pride are all part of the privilege of being a parent. We know this is part of our children's life and we will support our children as fully as we can.

But how does this extend to our personal involvement? How does this become not just a sport but a life event? These are my thoughts.

1. The soccer field (or name your child's sport) is a great place to be fully present. Being in the 'now,' not thinking of what must get done today, is a fulfilling experience.

2. Enthusiasm is nothing to shy away from. Be more enthusiastic - it is contagious, and we all have more fun.

3. Feel pride in your child's accomplishments, and spread that pride to the rest of the team or community. There can never be too much of feeling good.

4. Double-check that these feelings are authentic. If pride comes from a place of love and happiness within you, it feels authentic and flows well with the group. If pride comes from ego, check it at the door. This type of pride feels incongruent to others and doesn't sit right. When enthusiasm comes from a place of joy, it feels full of happiness. When it is ego-based, it seems over the top, unnecessary.

Throughout life we enjoy, we learn, we contribute and we enjoy some more. If we're lucky we also feel that bit of adrenaline from something special.

Forget skydiving or running.  Once a week this is my new adrenaline rush.