Turn Inwards to Reduce the Battle of Wills with Your Child
Green monster. Devil on your shoulder. Overpowering urge. Ego.
Call it what you want, the ego is on a powertrip, and we aren't even aware of it half the time.
Recall the last time your children struggled to agree to your request. "Pick up your socks." "It is time to go brush your teeth." "What's the magic word?" "Excuse me..."
Our childrens' world is full of requests and demands, and while part of them wants to please us, and is thankful for the routine and structure (at least they always know what is expected of them!), another part of them is pushing and growing towards independence, demanding your attention. This is their ego.
At the same time, our ego wants power and independence too, and our child's attention.
"I've asked you once already. Please go brush your teeth." "I've said 'no' and I mean it!" "What did I just tell you?" And the little voice in our head says, "I can't back down now. I'll lose control." "Why isn't my child listening to me? I'm his mother!" "Does nobody care what I say anymore?" "Don't I have a voice?"
And before we know it, our ego is wrestling our child's ego for control. "That's it. I've asked you four times now. No TV for the rest of the week! And hopefully now you will listen better." And our children, their egos battered a bit, slump their shoulders as they feel their own loss of power and drag their feet up the stairs to do our bidding.
Our ego has a job.
It lights the fire under us, pushes us to try harder, to excel, to be confident and stand up for what we believe in. Unfortunately, it doesn't know when it has powered us through too much of a good thing. It keeps pushing, excelling, and demanding more independence beyond our need for it. And when it is done with our own will, it pushes past us to our children, our spouse, our employees or our own parents.
This battle is draining. It does not raise our vibration, help us to feel lighter, bring a smile (in fact, ego thrives in fear), or help us to dance through our lives. And isn't that what we really, truly, deeply want in our life?
It is up to us to listen to our ego, give it its due ("thank you for being there, ego") and gently let it go, so that our spirit, our soul, can be the creative loving force in the world that it was intended to be.
How do we separate the two?
How do we even know the two voices inside us, without developing a psychosis of split personalities?
Eckart Tolle's book, A New Earth, and his earlier one, The Power of Now, does a great job of explaining this split. However, the easiest way to start is to listen to our internal voice (that little voice in our head, sometimes called the devil on our shoulder). The one that is narrating our words and actions. The one that is judging.
"He can't do it." "She needs my help." "They don't listen."
This internal voice speaks of others, or speaks of how you believe others feel about you. "She doesn't trust me." "I've never been any good at this." "He won't listen to me if I lose control."
Gently send them on their way.
Listen to those words... acknowledge the power they have in your life, and gently send them on their way. Life is too short for judgement, including judging our own ego. Ego must be put in its place, though not through an arm wrestle, but by giving it its due and choosing to do different (or say different).
"Ashley, I know you haven't really heard me when I asked you to go upstairs to brush your teeth. That TV can be really distracting. I'm turning it off now, and I will go upstairs with you to brush your teeth. What song do we hum to brush our teeth? Happy Birthday to you? I'll hum it with you while I brush my teeth."
Let that ego voice chatter away, but do not let it take control. Respond instead to your child's soul. "I love you, and I know a good night's sleep will help to create a happier day for you tomorrow. Let's go to bed." Be with them. Give them your full attention, and they (and their ego) will respond in kind.
After all, their ego is simply looking for a bit of your attention. Give them the attention they crave and their soul will flourish.
When Spirits Attach
Do you know what it feels like to have spirits attach to your energy? Neither did I, until last night.
I attended Open Message Night at the Montclair Metaphysical & Healing Center. I felt the need to go, to connect with those who hold a high vibration and intention of love and light. I also felt I could lend my own healing and positive thoughts to the night.
I had still been feeling down and felt this would be a good place for me to refocus. The heaviness I felt, I attributed first to missing my family and friends in Vancouver, then to PMS that seemed to last and last.
Turned out this "heaviness" was something different.
Towards the end of the night, and after many good messages for others from some talented mediums, I received a message. "You must detach yourself from those who pass on." She had already heard I did hospice, so we both knew who she was speaking about. However, I truly felt detached enough each time someone in my care passed on. I didn't feel inordinately sad. I felt blessed that I was able to connect with them towards the end of their life.
Some of these people slept the whole time I was visited. Others gave me the most beautiful tiny smiles, but no words. Some showed no response, yet their eyes followed me as I left the room. One unique feeling I had? I always knew when it was the last time I would see them. I would be sure to say "goodbye," or "thank you for allowing me to spend time with you." I'm sure this feeling isn't unique in hospice care.
However, two feelings have been occurring over the past month. One, I felt that after a year of hospice work, I would probably have to stop. It already felt like a burden after five months, though I didn't know why. The second was feeling down, as I explained above.
So, at the Montclair Center, when she said, "detach," the only "attachment" I thought about was emotional, and I didn't understand. She said there were three of them around me...
And Lee spoke up. "You are surrounded by them. They see you as a beam of light and they have attached themselves to you. They don't know how to move on. You must tell them how."
Covered in shivers of recognition, I realized just what my purpose was for hospice care.
"Before they pass, you need to speak with their spirit. Begin to let them know what to do once they pass." She said.
Actually, I've never felt so many shivers before, which always point to the truth. It was as if the spirits around me were touching me, "yes! Yes! Listen to her, she knows what she's saying!"
"You need to work with them, release them, or else it will be like a brickweighing you down. Heavier and heavier."
Heavy. Sad. Down. Burden. It all makes sense. So much sense, the shivers told me.
The heaviness isn't gone. I have work to do.
But I feel better that the weight isn't the actual hospice work (well, it is, but it is fixable), or missing my family (I'm not moving back right now, and I don't want to feel so sad), or ongoing PMS (what a relief!).
And spirits? I know you are hanging around. My shoulders and head feel it. But don't worry, you'll be where you need to be soon enough.
I attended Open Message Night at the Montclair Metaphysical & Healing Center. I felt the need to go, to connect with those who hold a high vibration and intention of love and light. I also felt I could lend my own healing and positive thoughts to the night.
I had still been feeling down and felt this would be a good place for me to refocus. The heaviness I felt, I attributed first to missing my family and friends in Vancouver, then to PMS that seemed to last and last.
Turned out this "heaviness" was something different.
Towards the end of the night, and after many good messages for others from some talented mediums, I received a message. "You must detach yourself from those who pass on." She had already heard I did hospice, so we both knew who she was speaking about. However, I truly felt detached enough each time someone in my care passed on. I didn't feel inordinately sad. I felt blessed that I was able to connect with them towards the end of their life.
Some of these people slept the whole time I was visited. Others gave me the most beautiful tiny smiles, but no words. Some showed no response, yet their eyes followed me as I left the room. One unique feeling I had? I always knew when it was the last time I would see them. I would be sure to say "goodbye," or "thank you for allowing me to spend time with you." I'm sure this feeling isn't unique in hospice care.
However, two feelings have been occurring over the past month. One, I felt that after a year of hospice work, I would probably have to stop. It already felt like a burden after five months, though I didn't know why. The second was feeling down, as I explained above.
So, at the Montclair Center, when she said, "detach," the only "attachment" I thought about was emotional, and I didn't understand. She said there were three of them around me...
And Lee spoke up. "You are surrounded by them. They see you as a beam of light and they have attached themselves to you. They don't know how to move on. You must tell them how."
Covered in shivers of recognition, I realized just what my purpose was for hospice care.
"Before they pass, you need to speak with their spirit. Begin to let them know what to do once they pass." She said.
Actually, I've never felt so many shivers before, which always point to the truth. It was as if the spirits around me were touching me, "yes! Yes! Listen to her, she knows what she's saying!"
"You need to work with them, release them, or else it will be like a brickweighing you down. Heavier and heavier."
Heavy. Sad. Down. Burden. It all makes sense. So much sense, the shivers told me.
The heaviness isn't gone. I have work to do.
But I feel better that the weight isn't the actual hospice work (well, it is, but it is fixable), or missing my family (I'm not moving back right now, and I don't want to feel so sad), or ongoing PMS (what a relief!).
And spirits? I know you are hanging around. My shoulders and head feel it. But don't worry, you'll be where you need to be soon enough.
Seven Steps When You Are Tight on Money and Time
I visited another blog this week, CouponMamacita. It is devoted to coupons, which feels right when people are struggling with a tight budget. It also got me thinking about the ways I've saved on money and time when both are at a premium.
So here are seven steps to combine both money savings and time savings.
1. Only use coupons worth $1.00 or more
Why? One 35 cent coupon won’t even cover your gas for the trip to the grocery store. Thirty-five, 50 and 75 cent coupons are also more plentiful, and take up valuable time to decide if you want them, to decide what to purchase once at the store, and to sort through them. Most in store specials have already reduced an item at least as much as a small value coupon. If you need mustard, look for the one on sale in the store, ensure it is the lowest price, then grab it. Stick to the in store specials, and use larger coupons for items you actually use.
2. Only cut out coupons you would normally use
Ask yourself, “do I need this type even without coupon?” If the answer is “yes,” buy it. An item may appeal to you, but is it something you need? No? Throw it in recycling. Remember the purpose of coupons: Manufacturers try to entice you to purchase their product. When flipping through mailouts and flyer coupons, make your decision quickly, and move on.
3. Keep an envelope of current coupons in your purse
Nothing is more frustrating than spending time to find useful coupons, getting to the checkout, and realize that they are all home on the kitchen counter. Once you decide which ones you want, put them in an envelope or one of those clear plastic three-hole page protectors. The thin ones fold in half easily to fit most purses.
4. Buy Bulk? Yes but only meat and frequently used items
Meat is always worth buying bulk. When you get home, marinate your meat, put them in sealable plastic bags, label and throw them in the freezer. Even better, cook all your bulk ground beef at once. Add taco seasoning to one batch, and make spaghetti sauce out of the other batch (or whatever recipe you prefer), then cool and freeze in meal sized amounts. This all takes time on the day of purchase, but saves you time and money in the long run.
Why only some other items in bulk? Bulk is like a coupon. Only sometimes is it valuable. Potatoes are inexpensive in 20 pound bags, but if you don’t have a cool place for them, the ones at the bottom of the bag will likely be thrown out. Crackers don’t easily stay crisp once opened, so half may go to waste. Finally, most of us don’t have room for a large number of bulk purchases. Save your space for cereal, soups and toilet paper, or other items you know you’ll go through.
5. Put all your phone and cable services under one company
Cable/phone companies are getting more competitive. Ask what they’ll do for you if you switch, or if you move your other services over to your existing account. A word of warning, however: some of their specials are good for one year, after which their prices could more than double. Make sure you know what the regular price will be once the special expires.
If it works for you to combine services, it will reduce your bill paying time, and make it easier to budget your expenses.
6. Update Your House Seasonally
Home improvement stores offer coupons and specials according to the season. Landscaping and gardening in the spring, roofing and siding in the early fall, and interior paint in the winter, for example. Also, take advantage of free or low cost in home estimates if making large changes. This will help you understand the true cost of your renovation, and someone who knows what you need will spend the time to develop accurate costs.
7. Finally, get your children involved, for long term rewards
Start small with children. Allocate twenty dollars a week to snacks and desserts, which are some of the most expensive non-nutritional items in your house. Decide what is covered: granola bars, cookies, ice cream, pretzels, then ask them to help you select these items at the store. Bring coupons or purchase sale items. Be creative and purchase ingredients to bake cookies at home. And compare these costs to the price of a banana or apple, to encourage better eating, and greater awareness of budgeting.
These may all be simple measures, but simple is usually the best way to reduce household stress.
Happiness and abundance to you!
So here are seven steps to combine both money savings and time savings.
1. Only use coupons worth $1.00 or more
Why? One 35 cent coupon won’t even cover your gas for the trip to the grocery store. Thirty-five, 50 and 75 cent coupons are also more plentiful, and take up valuable time to decide if you want them, to decide what to purchase once at the store, and to sort through them. Most in store specials have already reduced an item at least as much as a small value coupon. If you need mustard, look for the one on sale in the store, ensure it is the lowest price, then grab it. Stick to the in store specials, and use larger coupons for items you actually use.
2. Only cut out coupons you would normally use
Ask yourself, “do I need this type even without coupon?” If the answer is “yes,” buy it. An item may appeal to you, but is it something you need? No? Throw it in recycling. Remember the purpose of coupons: Manufacturers try to entice you to purchase their product. When flipping through mailouts and flyer coupons, make your decision quickly, and move on.
3. Keep an envelope of current coupons in your purse
Nothing is more frustrating than spending time to find useful coupons, getting to the checkout, and realize that they are all home on the kitchen counter. Once you decide which ones you want, put them in an envelope or one of those clear plastic three-hole page protectors. The thin ones fold in half easily to fit most purses.
4. Buy Bulk? Yes but only meat and frequently used items
Meat is always worth buying bulk. When you get home, marinate your meat, put them in sealable plastic bags, label and throw them in the freezer. Even better, cook all your bulk ground beef at once. Add taco seasoning to one batch, and make spaghetti sauce out of the other batch (or whatever recipe you prefer), then cool and freeze in meal sized amounts. This all takes time on the day of purchase, but saves you time and money in the long run.
Why only some other items in bulk? Bulk is like a coupon. Only sometimes is it valuable. Potatoes are inexpensive in 20 pound bags, but if you don’t have a cool place for them, the ones at the bottom of the bag will likely be thrown out. Crackers don’t easily stay crisp once opened, so half may go to waste. Finally, most of us don’t have room for a large number of bulk purchases. Save your space for cereal, soups and toilet paper, or other items you know you’ll go through.
5. Put all your phone and cable services under one company
Cable/phone companies are getting more competitive. Ask what they’ll do for you if you switch, or if you move your other services over to your existing account. A word of warning, however: some of their specials are good for one year, after which their prices could more than double. Make sure you know what the regular price will be once the special expires.
If it works for you to combine services, it will reduce your bill paying time, and make it easier to budget your expenses.
6. Update Your House Seasonally
Home improvement stores offer coupons and specials according to the season. Landscaping and gardening in the spring, roofing and siding in the early fall, and interior paint in the winter, for example. Also, take advantage of free or low cost in home estimates if making large changes. This will help you understand the true cost of your renovation, and someone who knows what you need will spend the time to develop accurate costs.
7. Finally, get your children involved, for long term rewards
Start small with children. Allocate twenty dollars a week to snacks and desserts, which are some of the most expensive non-nutritional items in your house. Decide what is covered: granola bars, cookies, ice cream, pretzels, then ask them to help you select these items at the store. Bring coupons or purchase sale items. Be creative and purchase ingredients to bake cookies at home. And compare these costs to the price of a banana or apple, to encourage better eating, and greater awareness of budgeting.
These may all be simple measures, but simple is usually the best way to reduce household stress.
Happiness and abundance to you!
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