“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone
anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over
is yourself.” ~ Deborah Reber
Has this ever happened to you? Your life is ticking along nicely
when someone from your past appears out of the blue, bringing uncomfortable
feelings back to you as well. They may be an old flame, an old landlord or an
old roommate.
They say something to you like, “the last time we spoke we
argued about that (cleaning, repair, travel) bill.” And the memory of that
moment comes flooding back to you. Or maybe you never forgot it, not quite
being able to let it go.
We all have discomfort in our lives. Mostly we try to learn
from our mistakes, or from the mistakes surrounding us. Yet emotions create
strong memories. When the past is faced again, emotions can come flooding back
with the memory.
So what do you do when you run into someone who reminds you
of an uncomfortable moment in the past?
Here are some ideas:
1.
Take a deep breath, knowing it is not part of
your present life.
2.
Summon up a positive emotion, and send it their
way – they may need an extra dose of love, care, or happiness in their life.
3.
Acknowledge, to yourself, any stress you may be
feeling.
4.
Speak of your discomfort honestly if you can. (“I’m
sorry we ended the way we did.” Or “Wow, I’ve thought a lot about you since the
last time we spoke.”)
5.
Recognize where this emotion is coming from
(your past). It isn’t from your current life, so don’t attach your current
emotions to it.
Life has a way of surprising us, and the surprise isn’t
always pleasant. So make an effort to recognize how an old relationship may
affect you.
Don’t let negative past emotions color the present moment
any more than it needs to. Take steps to keep past anxiety where it belongs. If
it feels really fresh, then you probably never let go of that moment. Use the
steps above to let go of that anxiety right now, before it saps any more of
your energy.
Recognize how far you’ve come since that moment, and take
steps to forgive, if forgiveness is needed.
Whatever the current moment brings, give yourself a gift.
Face it with courage and honesty, and move on with a smile, knowing where you
are now in your life.
Posts
What a great reminder to stay in the present moment with your present feelings...and how to honor and keep the past where it belongs.
ReplyDeleteJust recently I encounteredd a past situation that had been very painful. In the present moment I realized I felt so much regret for not knowing and doing then what I know and would do now. I've heard this called "beneficial regret" because it is the kind of regret we learn from. I accept that I was where I was when the past event happened and today I am in a different place and would likely respond differently. What a gift.
Thank you for your insightful and inspiring posts.
Sherri,
ReplyDeleteI love that - "beneficial regret." It allows us to feel that feeling of regret then let it go. Thank you for your wisdom.